What If They Turn From It?

Proverbs 22:6

Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

A middle-aged lady walked into her pastor’s office one afternoon. He could tell she was distressed. She sat down in a chair across from him and just blurted out, “Pastor, I think my son is going to hell. I’ve been trying for months to get him to come to church with me, but he told me he doesn’t believe any of that God stuff. I don’t know where I went wrong. I trained him up in the way he should go, but now that he’s older, he’s turned from it.”

Was Proverbs 22:6 wrong? In that verse, does God make a promise he can’t keep? Or maybe the blame doesn’t lie with God. Instead, does it lie with the parents? Did they not truly train up their child in the way he or she should have gone?

If we take this and every other proverb as a universal promise, that is, that it is true in every case, these are the two conclusions we can draw. Either God doesn’t follow through on his end, or we don’t follow through on ours.

First, the nature of proverbs is not to make universal promises. Instead, they are phrases of wisdom that, though they are stated absolutely, are only true generally speaking. Consider the statistics on the influence parents have on their children’s attendance at church from the previous devotion.

Now, let’s look at the proverb itself. Its focus is child-rearing. Not only young children, but even older children. We’re talking anywhere between the ages of 0 and 30. Yes, children, but also young adults. That was the context of that time. In our time, we might think from 0 to 22 or so. But I remember even in my 20s I had a lot to learn.

“Start off” is just as good a translation as “train up.” The idea is the same. The writer of this proverb is talking about the beginning stages of life in this world. The parents’ responsibility is to raise them. To teach them. To train them.

Could “the way they should go” refer to something other than “faith in Jesus”? The words themselves certainly could. They could take on a worldly point of view, that is, on how to live a successful life on earth. They could even mean training a child according to his or her own gifts or future career goals. But consider the context. The book of Proverbs is concerned with the “fear of the LORD” (Proverbs 1:7). Consider what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:15,16, “[Christ] died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view.” In other words, although training a child to understand how to live in this world is important, the number one job of parents is to show their children Jesus.

Then comes the general truth. A child who is raised going to church, participating in church, knowing Jesus, generally speaking, will continue going to church. Not only do the stats back this up, but God himself says here that it is true. If the child does turn away from the godly instruction they receive from their parents, it is because of their own sin, as Solomon, the writer of Proverbs says earlier, “A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not respond to rebukes” (Proverbs 13:1).

Think of the alternative, a child who is not raised going to church and Sunday School. Who does not hear about Jesus at home. When they are older, they will not even have this foundation to turn back to. But the parent who teaches their child about Jesus, even if they turn away, has the hope that they will return to what they once knew and believed.

We take comfort in the promises of God. One of his promises is that he works through the Word and sacraments, what we call the Means of Grace. The power of the Word doesn’t depend on the one who teaches it. Its power comes from God the Holy Spirit himself. When you bring your children to church, they aren’t just hearing words. The Holy Spirit is working in their hearts to strengthen their faith.

Baptism is not just a symbol of God’s washing. It is an actual washing, as God promises, “not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 3:21). When your child is baptized, he or she receives the forgiveness of sins, life, and salvation directly from Jesus.

A child turning away from the faith is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences for a Christian parent. It can make you lose your own confidence in God’s promises, lose your trust in his Means of Grace. It can make you look for other ways to bring them back into church, back to faith.

Katelyn and I like to watch “Last Man Standing,” the Tim Allen show that just ended earlier this year. In one episode, Mike Baxter (Tim Allen) and his wife Vanessa, are wondering how they can get their kids to go to church. A noble thought. But their only solution is to give them something to do at church. Mandy makes new robes for the choir. Eve and Mandy sing for church. Kristin passes around the offering plate. It’s good to give children and adults a way to participate.

But it was a little backwards. If the only point is to get your kids in the physical building, then participation might be all that’s needed. But faith doesn’t come from what I do. God promises that it comes through the Means of Grace.

Be confident in God’s promises. Know that his Word works. His sacraments work. They create and sustain faith. These are how he brought you to believe. They are how he brings your children to faith. And if your child turns away, they are how God brings people back to faith.