The Three Hardest Words

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

“I forgive you.” They shouldn’t have, but those three words shocked me when my seminary professor included them in an email. I had emailed him an assignment past the due date. They were the first three words in the email. “I forgive you.”

Why were they so shocking? Again, they should’ve been expected. But this was just a late assignment. Late by maybe a few hours. No big deal. The words “I forgive you” added more gravity to the situation. This wasn’t only a slip of the mind. A minor mistake. It was a sin.

Those are the three hardest words. “I forgive you.” On the one hand, we might struggle to say, “I forgive you,” when someone has committed a heinous sin against us. How can you possibly forgive that sinner for what they’ve done to you? How can you let go of the desire for justice and vengeance in exchange for mercy and grace? Paul gives the clue, “As in Christ God forgave you.” In Christ, your justice was pronounced and God’s mercy shown to you and to the whole world, including to the sinner who sinned against you.

Logically, we would say, “I forgive you,” more freely for the little sins. But we don’t, even for these. And maybe the struggle is a little bit different. It’s not because the sin is too big to forgive. Instead, we see it as too small to need forgiveness. We don’t want to make a bigger deal out of it than it is. Instead, we say, “No worries.” “No problem.” “It’s ok.”

Is it ok?

Was it no problem?

That sin, however small, still hurt. It still offended you or embarrassed you. It still took something from you.

Small sins stack up without forgiveness. Those little offenses chip away at your relationship with the offender. It may seem kind and compassionate to simply excuse someone else’s sins, but that kindness and compassion are only for that moment. Underneath, the festering further expectation of hurt or offense leads to less compassion and fewer kindnesses.

Instead, forgive. Say the words, “I forgive you.” Reflect on what you’re giving them. The same amazing gift God has given to you, you can give to the person who comes to you for forgiveness. You can reflect the image of God you are.

One more thing. We also struggle with the words “I forgive you” because it’s not naturally part of the language we speak. It’s certainly not the language of the world around us. Here’s the shocker. It’s not even really a part of the language of Christians! As much as we focus on the forgiveness Jesus gives us, we still struggle to add that phrase to our vocabularies.

So, here’s the Holy Spirit’s encouragement through Paul: Forgive each other. Say, “I forgive you,” to each other. As we practice the forgiveness God gives us in Jesus, those words will become part of the language we speak. The Holy Spirit will empower us to speak those words. He will empower us to ask each other for forgiveness. And as we do this, we will understand better what it means to live under grace.